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I Took Out My Nose Ring, and Now I No Longer Have A Personality :/

Updated: Oct 5, 2020

Due to professional reasons, Sharon Kettle recently removed her gold nose ring from its cozy home on her right nostril. Throughout the 10 months with a foreign object in her nose, Kettle says, “Random people would stop me on the street and compliment me on it all the time. It was definitely the coolest thing about me.”

Kettle had originally gotten her nose pierced in anticipation of her move to Brooklyn. “It’s actually part of the lease agreement there. $100 application fee, background check, and facial ornamentation clause.” Kettle insists that her nose ring was the only reason she was able to land her dream apartment. “The landlords really liked that I got my piercing in another country. They thought that my Inclination Towards Risk really enhanced the aesthetic of our community.”

Shortly after removing the hoop, Kettle received a huge promotion at work, and her grandmother told her she loved her for the first time in a year. However, she has faced a cataclysmic spiral in her personal life. “I feel invisible,” Kettle told us, trying to hold back tears. “My Hinge likes are only from guys who work in finance. And my Discover Weekly is just full of songs by Imagine Dragons.” On top of this, she has been evicted from her reconverted-warehouse-loft-style apartment. 

“ in Jersey City now,” she said, fully sobbing. 

We tried sitting down with Sharon’s best friend, Stefan, to discuss the drastic changes in Sharon’s life. But upon asking him about Sharon, he just said, “Who?” Upon showing him a current photo of Sharon, he responded, “Mm nope. Never seen her.”

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